Tag Archive: true


I’m Sorry

im-sorry

I’m Sorry,

 

I’m Sorry I don’t live up to your standards,

But it’s not my fault that you can’t see,

That there is only one true version of me,

 

I’m Sorry is a word I used to say to you,

Before I had the chance to really think it through

 

So many days I used to agonise,

Why do I have this need to look perfect in your eyes?

Why did it take me so long to realise?

 

This shit ain’t worth it,

My life aint perfect,

But the way I feel today,

I know that I’m worth it,

 

I was once Sorry for me,

Now I’m Sorry for you,

I’m Sorry you cut us short and didn’t want to see this through,

 

I’m Sorry for all the moments that we will miss,

To Touch,

To Hold,

To share a Kiss,

 

I’m Sorry that you could not wait to see,

That there is so much more to me,

 

I used to say Sorry and thought that I meant it,

But not anymore….

 

I’m not Sorry for who I am,

 

Whether you’re in my life or not….

 

Have you ever considered how much of what you display is an act and how much of it is the real you?

All of us play roles at some point in our lives, but where does the role stop and the real person inside begin.

Take meeting a perspective partner for the first time.

On that first instance, the first approach there is an element of acting involved.

 

It’s the age old dance that men and women play whatever your preference may be.

Like an interview you only get one chance to sell yourself and make a good first impression, to your perspective other.

I may be quiet, timid and insecure but on that first approach, those are the less favourable qualities of my character that I do not display.

The man you meet could maybe be seen as an exaggeration of my better qualities, but to some degree that is not the real me only the light side of the coin.

 

In my working life I play a different role.

Training and experience has enabled me to be able to handle certain situations that would cause many to fail.

This however is not so much an act but could be considered to be such if the confidence that I display in a familiar situation of which I’ve learned responses; is not the behaviour that I display in my everyday life.

Therein could be the problem that you may face and ask yourself, where does the actor or actress in me that has learned what the necessary response may be finish and where does the variety of my true nature and character begin?

 

I think to some degree I’ve always been an actor, able to assess situations and formulate the appropriate response to whatever life may throw at me.

The problem starts when you are unable to take off the multitude of masks and costumes that you may wear.

Worker, Husband, Wife, Father, Mother, Son, Daughter, CEO, Boss

All of these roles are the building blocks of your character, the person you portray, but are they really you deep down inside?

Being true to one’s self may often mean sacrificing parts of one’s self and compromising on certain beliefs…

“I was a career oriented woman or man until we had our first child”

Things that once drove you to strive to achieve are no longer the focal points of your life,

“I used to work late nights but it means more to me now to tuck my son or daughter in, than to spend that extra hour at the office”

 

As a parent you make sacrifices every day, for those you love as you put their needs ahead of your own.

This is not the actions of an actor, but the actions of the Love you poses.

We all play different roles in life,

 

Different circumstances may cause us to change our outer shell,

But for me it is most important to stay true to who we are.

 

To let someone completely in and see the true you, is the greatest expression of honesty,

My joys and successes,

My fears and my woes,

 

To be an actor bares no shame, sometimes we all need to take on certain roles,

But to deny one’s self fully, is a greater sin,

 

The true self is always changing,

I am no more the man I was yesterday,

As today had changed me into something else

But at my core,

I know who I am,

As you know who you are.

Actor/self

True/False

Only you can decide

🙂 Xx

 

Choices

 

Choices

Decisions

Everyday each of us has to make a choice or a decision.

Some of the choices we make bare little weight on the overall bearing on the course we travel through in our lives 

Have little impact on the outward ripple that carries on the wave that touches the lives of those we love and care about or even those we make “think” we hate or may not be aware;

For I could only tell you the way I see things from my perspective, I can see it’s effects in and around me some are tangible proof, others are only but a feeling,

I would not be so arrogant as to presume that though we may have lived through the same event, I could ever fully comprehend what it is that you felt and experienced at that very moment in time.

Decisions that are great in magnitude are sometimes made so lightly that we can only see the desired outcome of first few waves, not the upcoming storm on the horizon.

“But how then do we make a choice?”

“What is it that we should consider?”

I could spend a life time in deep contemplation, pondering all outcomes and trying to envision this “important decision” from all sides as so to limit the damage of my inevitable impact on those around me.

But to do so would mean my own defeat for I would have missed what it is to be alive

We can acquire all the knowledge in the world learned through books and our fellows as we grow….

But “Wisdom” comes through experience, taking what I’ve learned in a text book or class room and putting it into real life application

“Wisdom” not only come from making the “right” choices in life but also from the “mistakes” that we make, with the key being that we are “willing” and able to “Learn” from each and every experience.

In the end that final leap involves and element of “Luck” or what some might call “faith” it name is not important

As “no outcome is ever 100%” there is always the possibility that things may go the opposite way from which you expect, despite what all the evidence may be telling you.

Take time to really consider how your actions will impact others, if we all did this honestly the world would be a better place, but believe me saying it is much “easier” than putting its application into “practice” and I am by no means a saint.

My best advice is to be “true to who you are” whatever that may be in every decision you make, do not spend to long pondering for you will see your life slip pass you by…

And “Learn!!” Sometimes the greatest lessons that we learn through good or bad choices only come to us when we are “willing and open to see the truth”

All the best to you today 🙂

 

When I learn to feel, my heart will heal,
But how can I truly let go?..,.
and what is stopping me?

If my body be but a shell,
the physical manifestation of my true spirit within.
How then have I strayed so far,
From purity in the essence of my heart…

I’ve lived a lie and have worn a mask,
to protect me from the world,
A world i so desperately wanted to reach out and touch…

But to touch is to let you in…
But how would I start?
And where would I truly begin?

How do I let you see the side that I’ve so desperately fought to hide?
Can I truly pocket my Pride and become the man I’ve so long denied

Or will I forever live a lie?…

The darkness of my mind slowly creeps in,
It’s scares me now more than ever,
Reaching far deeper than I’ve ever been…

And then I see your face… Happiness fills me

But not for long…then comes Fear
Never ending Fear… But why?

I do not know but why…
I so desperately want to let you in…
But how would I start?
And where would I begin?…

Would I start with all thats good in me, my warmth and love and charity?

Yes this is it, this is what I want you to see,
This is the man I’ve so longed to be,

Feel the warmth of my spirit,
The violent yet gentle flame burning within,
Let me wrap my arms around you,
Warming you in my loving eternal embrace,

Reaching out to you and caressing your face

Let me call to you, call you by your Name

Speak words so Sweet, so Pure and Divine,

If all I have to offer you be but a few simple words,
Let the words I speak here today, take root in your Heart,
Let them be the seeds of Life to an everlasting tree of Devine Hope

These are the words I’ve never shared,
The words I’ve so long to but never dared…
To speak to you not with my mouth and lips,
But with my Heart and Eternal Soul

Let me call to you to hear my cry,
Hear the silenced voice of the little boy deep inside,
The man I’ve become bares the scars of false pride,
Standing before you this day is not a Man…But a Child

Clumsy and off balanced as I learn to stand and take that vital first step into the unknown

I feel as if I’m falling… But within you I feel the wings to Fly,
I won’t crash and burn, I’ll launch into flight, Soaring higher than I’ve ever been

Fear grips me by the throat strangling me from the inside,

But something’s different now…

“Take a breathe”…

“It’s ok”…

“Take a breath”

I hear a voice from within

“It’ll be ok, trust in me”

It’s no longer a battle, I no longer have to Win,
Let me head the echoing words of the True voice within

Today in You I see not the end,
I’ve feel the Essence of your Love in you my Friend

But to tell you half a tale would be still a Lie,
I’m still holding you at arms length away… And I don’t know why?..

How do I let you completely in?…
I’ve begun to let you in….
But now I’m scared to truly begin….

How do I take off the mask I’ve worn for so long?
Peel back the layers that I once thought kept me safe,

What will you think of me, when you get to truly see…
That I am not as Perfect as I make out to be…
There’s a whole other side to me…
And there is much of which I am ashamed…

I open my mouth…Nothing
I try again…. Nothing
I’m crippled with fear and I know not why

But then I feel your Touch… Oh how I want you so much

As I stand there looking into your eyes, I finally start to realise,
That you can already see,
Into the deepest depths of me,
To what the eye is blind to, but the Loving Heart can see

And your not Afraid.

You simply take my hand and Smile…

I pause for a while…

What is this I Feel inside? what used to be Fear has now begun to subside,

No longer am I deafened by fears crippling call, fueled by my arrogance and false pride

I no longer wish to Hide!!

I’m Finally ready, it feels natural with you to just be ME

All that I’ve ever wanted to Be

All I am I share with you Now,

Physically, Emotionally, Spiritually

I offer you my hand as we walk into the sun light of the Spirit
Bringing light to festered shadows of my mind
Let the boy within me hear the Beauty of your Lovers call..

At this perfect moment of internal bliss both He and I become One,

I, He, We and then just Me,

Now finally….You and Me

When I learned to Feel,
My wounds were Healed,

I am no longer afraid to let You In
I’ve finally let go and shared with you the essence of my True being,

My Soul within,

I was once Afraid and Blind to See, that the only thing that was stopping Me was….

ME

XxX