Tag Archive: Mother


Medication Pic

Medication
Requires dedication
A prescription, A description
Of what's wrong with me
Not what I choose to be
 
So long ago, I did not know which way to go
Stand still, take a pill
Yet I was still ill, I didn't know why

Hidden in a room, while I sat outside
No explanation for why my mum cried
To be a child is not a sin
But they would not let me in
 
Infections, detections, injections
Tests and more tests
But mother knows best
 
Pills that made me sick
 
Physically
Mentally 
Emotionally
 
What's wrong with me?
No one will say...
 
It's an answer locked away
Behind a key within a door 
Always the same door

The same seat
The same chair
The same people always there
 
With me waiting 
Anticipating
 
Next time they'll let me in
Explain the shingles on my skin
I finally get to hear what's behind the door 
 
That thing that makes my mother cry
Now I know why....
 
Medication

What's wrong with me?

Now I know...
 
Pills I was subscribed
When the truth I was denied
 
A diagnosis that was not my choice
That was the day I lost my voice....

Breaking the Pattern

breaking the pattern photo

Breaking the Pattern

It’s funny when I first met you I couldn’t stand you,

In fact come to think,
You made me sick…

Yet good all at the same time,

 

I think I was nine or maybe I was ten;
It’s been so long now I’m not sure when

 

Initially we would have to sneak around,

Down the back of an ally, bushes or trees,

Out of the house quietly,

Making sure my folks didn’t see,

 

Other people just wouldn’t understand
Why I had to be near you and hold you in my hand,

The tut’s the looks, the glaring stares,

But we didn’t care it was just me and you there,

 

We meet twice a week, then soon everyday ,

What can I say,

I needed you,

Which to others seemed absurd,

I heard all the lectures but ignored every word,

 

We used to be able to sit at tables and bars,

Dance the night away and then under the stars,

When I was with you I was confident and funny

Although at times we couldn’t meet due to lack of money

 

But I never stopped thinking of you,

No matter how hard I tried,

It was like a part of you was always with me on the inside

 

Wanting
Raging
Strangely craving

 

Till he moment we’d meet again and I’d never want it to end,

 

But I’m sad to say I’ve met another…

She’s about to be a mother

And it’s one or the other…

 

I’ve been with you as long as I can remember,

 

But that child in her belly is to be a new part of Me

A member of My Family,

And it’s a life I want to see,

 

Which saddens me to say… That just leaves no room for you and me

Although I may miss you, relapse when drunk and try to kiss you

 

It can never be what we had

I don’t want to see my child lose his father,

The same way I lost my Dad….

 

Have you ever considered how much of what you display is an act and how much of it is the real you?

All of us play roles at some point in our lives, but where does the role stop and the real person inside begin.

Take meeting a perspective partner for the first time.

On that first instance, the first approach there is an element of acting involved.

 

It’s the age old dance that men and women play whatever your preference may be.

Like an interview you only get one chance to sell yourself and make a good first impression, to your perspective other.

I may be quiet, timid and insecure but on that first approach, those are the less favourable qualities of my character that I do not display.

The man you meet could maybe be seen as an exaggeration of my better qualities, but to some degree that is not the real me only the light side of the coin.

 

In my working life I play a different role.

Training and experience has enabled me to be able to handle certain situations that would cause many to fail.

This however is not so much an act but could be considered to be such if the confidence that I display in a familiar situation of which I’ve learned responses; is not the behaviour that I display in my everyday life.

Therein could be the problem that you may face and ask yourself, where does the actor or actress in me that has learned what the necessary response may be finish and where does the variety of my true nature and character begin?

 

I think to some degree I’ve always been an actor, able to assess situations and formulate the appropriate response to whatever life may throw at me.

The problem starts when you are unable to take off the multitude of masks and costumes that you may wear.

Worker, Husband, Wife, Father, Mother, Son, Daughter, CEO, Boss

All of these roles are the building blocks of your character, the person you portray, but are they really you deep down inside?

Being true to one’s self may often mean sacrificing parts of one’s self and compromising on certain beliefs…

“I was a career oriented woman or man until we had our first child”

Things that once drove you to strive to achieve are no longer the focal points of your life,

“I used to work late nights but it means more to me now to tuck my son or daughter in, than to spend that extra hour at the office”

 

As a parent you make sacrifices every day, for those you love as you put their needs ahead of your own.

This is not the actions of an actor, but the actions of the Love you poses.

We all play different roles in life,

 

Different circumstances may cause us to change our outer shell,

But for me it is most important to stay true to who we are.

 

To let someone completely in and see the true you, is the greatest expression of honesty,

My joys and successes,

My fears and my woes,

 

To be an actor bares no shame, sometimes we all need to take on certain roles,

But to deny one’s self fully, is a greater sin,

 

The true self is always changing,

I am no more the man I was yesterday,

As today had changed me into something else

But at my core,

I know who I am,

As you know who you are.

Actor/self

True/False

Only you can decide

🙂 Xx

 

Why?

Why?

I can see it your eye,

You asking me “Why?”

 

Why did I do it again?

 

I tell we’re supposed to be friends,

But nothings chnaged now we’re back here again and your asking me

 

“Why?”

 

The look in your eyes is torturing,

I can feel your pain, which fills me with shame,

Cause I don’t have an answer to your question..

 

“Why?”

 

I told you uI loved you, and in that moment I meant it,

These are not just words

Not some new verse,

That day as I held you in my arms,

You were my universe,

The one I could see my self ending up with,

 

Quiting my old ways, coming out of the wild,

I can see me as the father and you as the mother of my child

Everything was perfect,

That day you were worth it,

 

But now you asking me why…

 

And I dont have an answer…

 

No sweet a word I could conjour out from my lips,

I wanna storke your hair and steal a kiss,

But this is not what your looking for from me right now..

 

The actions are easy, but words are hard,

I’ve thrown a life a way, something we planned,

You were my girl and I was your man

 

But not anymore things have changed,

How could I ever cause you so much pain,

 

You ask me again

 

“Why?”

And truthfully….

 

“I don’t know Why”