Tag Archive: fear


i dont mind

I don’t mind
But then again I do

Why did I just say that to you?

 

Was it my fear of letting you down and by some weird logic me as well?
I can’t tell
The words just came out

 

I don’t mind
Here I go again

What is stopping me from telling you the truth?

The truth..

Truth is that I do not know how I feel
Is this real? Is this Real?

 

Is this just me wanting you to like me
Not to judge me, not to see me
Not to hate me or be me

Why do I care so much?
I’ve grown out of touch

 

You’re no longer there, it’s just me

But still I stand and stare

 

What was the question again?

 

It feels like hours have past
I hope that this feeling won’t last

Then I hear a voice say “Are you alright?”

 

I don’t think I answered

Not a word was said
If just gone silent and it was all in my head

 

“Well then will you?”
The voice asked again

This time I said…

 

“No”

Willingness

Willingness

What does it mean?

Willingness

Am I really willing to take said course of action or am I just saying that I am?

Does my mind tell that I am willing to engage and follow the way of logic?

But does my behavior as expressed by my actions dictate that the path I follow displays a fundamental unwillingness to change?

“I know it worked for him or her, I’ve seen the proof! how then can I not give it a try when my way clearly isn’t working”

What then is stopping me from being willing?

The answer to this question is Me!!

There’s a Vast difference between Knowing the right path and Walking the right path.

To take Action is the key,

It is a gift unto to which no man or woman can give another,
For it is a deep routed desire or a feeling of absolute conviction that must come from within one’s self

Only you can answer this question if you be Willing to Honestly look at yourself

Thus I ask this question again:

What then is stopping me from being willing?

Could it be Fear?

Fear of the unknown

It could be said that “it is easier to walk the path most familiar, than to venture out into unchartered terrain”

Nothing in Life is can be planned out so absolute as to say the outcome can be determined to 100% degree of accuracy,

For every decision, every course of action inevitably has some element of unknown risk

Willingness to change is to face that risk,

To take a leap of faith and trust in ourselves or others or in a power that lies beyond the realm of what man can perceive

That whatever it is that we are to change will take course and the outcome will be as it is meant to be

So often we are unwilling to do so if the path seem undesirable or too strenuous despite the logic that we may see in doing or taking said course of action.

“Nothing changes, if NOTHING CHANGES

Let go of what is in your mind, and ask only Honesty of thy own Heart

Only you can answer the question

Am I willing?

If the answer be Yes,

Have the courage to take that inevitable leap of Faith in taking the necessary action required

When I learn to feel, my heart will heal,
But how can I truly let go?..,.
and what is stopping me?

If my body be but a shell,
the physical manifestation of my true spirit within.
How then have I strayed so far,
From purity in the essence of my heart…

I’ve lived a lie and have worn a mask,
to protect me from the world,
A world i so desperately wanted to reach out and touch…

But to touch is to let you in…
But how would I start?
And where would I truly begin?

How do I let you see the side that I’ve so desperately fought to hide?
Can I truly pocket my Pride and become the man I’ve so long denied

Or will I forever live a lie?…

The darkness of my mind slowly creeps in,
It’s scares me now more than ever,
Reaching far deeper than I’ve ever been…

And then I see your face… Happiness fills me

But not for long…then comes Fear
Never ending Fear… But why?

I do not know but why…
I so desperately want to let you in…
But how would I start?
And where would I begin?…

Would I start with all thats good in me, my warmth and love and charity?

Yes this is it, this is what I want you to see,
This is the man I’ve so longed to be,

Feel the warmth of my spirit,
The violent yet gentle flame burning within,
Let me wrap my arms around you,
Warming you in my loving eternal embrace,

Reaching out to you and caressing your face

Let me call to you, call you by your Name

Speak words so Sweet, so Pure and Divine,

If all I have to offer you be but a few simple words,
Let the words I speak here today, take root in your Heart,
Let them be the seeds of Life to an everlasting tree of Devine Hope

These are the words I’ve never shared,
The words I’ve so long to but never dared…
To speak to you not with my mouth and lips,
But with my Heart and Eternal Soul

Let me call to you to hear my cry,
Hear the silenced voice of the little boy deep inside,
The man I’ve become bares the scars of false pride,
Standing before you this day is not a Man…But a Child

Clumsy and off balanced as I learn to stand and take that vital first step into the unknown

I feel as if I’m falling… But within you I feel the wings to Fly,
I won’t crash and burn, I’ll launch into flight, Soaring higher than I’ve ever been

Fear grips me by the throat strangling me from the inside,

But something’s different now…

“Take a breathe”…

“It’s ok”…

“Take a breath”

I hear a voice from within

“It’ll be ok, trust in me”

It’s no longer a battle, I no longer have to Win,
Let me head the echoing words of the True voice within

Today in You I see not the end,
I’ve feel the Essence of your Love in you my Friend

But to tell you half a tale would be still a Lie,
I’m still holding you at arms length away… And I don’t know why?..

How do I let you completely in?…
I’ve begun to let you in….
But now I’m scared to truly begin….

How do I take off the mask I’ve worn for so long?
Peel back the layers that I once thought kept me safe,

What will you think of me, when you get to truly see…
That I am not as Perfect as I make out to be…
There’s a whole other side to me…
And there is much of which I am ashamed…

I open my mouth…Nothing
I try again…. Nothing
I’m crippled with fear and I know not why

But then I feel your Touch… Oh how I want you so much

As I stand there looking into your eyes, I finally start to realise,
That you can already see,
Into the deepest depths of me,
To what the eye is blind to, but the Loving Heart can see

And your not Afraid.

You simply take my hand and Smile…

I pause for a while…

What is this I Feel inside? what used to be Fear has now begun to subside,

No longer am I deafened by fears crippling call, fueled by my arrogance and false pride

I no longer wish to Hide!!

I’m Finally ready, it feels natural with you to just be ME

All that I’ve ever wanted to Be

All I am I share with you Now,

Physically, Emotionally, Spiritually

I offer you my hand as we walk into the sun light of the Spirit
Bringing light to festered shadows of my mind
Let the boy within me hear the Beauty of your Lovers call..

At this perfect moment of internal bliss both He and I become One,

I, He, We and then just Me,

Now finally….You and Me

When I learned to Feel,
My wounds were Healed,

I am no longer afraid to let You In
I’ve finally let go and shared with you the essence of my True being,

My Soul within,

I was once Afraid and Blind to See, that the only thing that was stopping Me was….

ME

XxX

Resentment

Resentment

To be resentful

What does that really mean?

“Resentment is the number one offender”

 

A good friend of mine recently described resentment as “the inability to deal with and properly process the emotions that occur during certain situations…. Instead of formulating a response and dealing with the situations as and when they occur, we bottle up the feelings and emotions felt and replay or relive the incident during morbid reflection.”

You may be thinking what the hell am I going on about but let me explain

Have you ever perceived that somebody has done something wrong to you? Maybe said or did something to make you feel angry, scared or any one in the vast range of negative emotions that we feel as humans, resentment is not only dependant upon you feeling angry at a situation though usually anger plays a MASSIVE part in it.

So this incident has happened; have you dealt with if properly? By that I mean not just did you tell the other person or express some form of a reaction, did fully process how you were feeling at that moment in time and see the truth in why you were feeling that way?

Or did you simply say to yourself like I do so often in my life that, I’m not gonna let this affect me and push all thoughts of the incident to the depths of your mind, knowing honestly “I’m still holding a grudge.”

 

I should have said…..

If only I’d…..

Why couldn’t she……

I knew I should have……

 

Have you ever asked yourself these questions or a host of many others about a situation, long after it had occurred? If you have then my friend I tell you that you are holding onto a resentment.

Do not feel disheartened, it is my beliefs that resentment is a natural part of the human psyche, its not always easy to process situations honestly as they occur and see the truth, but what you do next is what shows strength and courage.

Can you look honestly at your part in that resentment? By that I mean disregard all persons, places and things that were involved in the situation and look honestly at the part that YOU played.

What defects of character were you acting out upon in that particular situation?

Selfishness, self-centredness, arrogance, Pride, Ego, dishonesty, Fear…. These are but a few there are many more to look at if we are to see the light and truth of the resentment.

For example am I really holding on to that resentment about my sister because I know honestly in my heart that I’ve lied to her and not confessed my sins for a past transgression, and so I am projecting the anger I feel towards myself onto her and overacting to what might be really an insignificant situation.

Is my fear of being found out or of being honest and rejected stopping me from saying what needs to be said.

This is just brushing the surface of how to do an honest and thorough moral inventory and look at the truth in whats really driving my behaviour and it’s a skill that comes through practice which I’ve only recently taken up again after much pain and discomfort (I’m talking emotionally not physically, but send me an email if you would like me to explain fully).

Not every situation will be your fault, however I have no control over the actions of others, in order for me to grow I must constantly look at the part in which I play and where I was wrong if I am to grow.

So next time you start to feel resentful about a person, place or thing, stop for a moment…

WRITE down the areas of your life that have been affected by this resentment…

Then WRITE down what part you played in that incident, what defects of character are you acting out upon that are causing you to feel this way?

The TRUTH may surprise you and if you can SHARE your findings with another person in your life that you trust who may be able to see the things that you cannot see in yourself.

This is not a method that I have recently come up with myself, it’s part of a program that I follow and have been guided through, practiced by millions of people around the world. If you would like to more just let me know

Good luck with your day and hope you find the peace you deserve through the truth that I hope you seek 🙂 x

The first step is always the hardest or so the saying goes, but what’s stopping me from taking it?

Am I as fearless as I would lead you to believe or am I really still at heart that little boy or girl, stumbling around through life as I did all those years ago, when I took my first steps in this world and learned to find my balance and then to walk

I can quite easily give you a great list of all the things I don’t like about my life and may even take pleasure in the venting of my frustrations, but why can’t I seem to take the necessary action to change those things? What’s stopping me?

Fear of the unknown

“Better the devil you know, than the devil you don’t”

I may say to you that I hate my job, but the only thing keeping me there is ME!!

My fear of change and the unknown is all that may be stopping me from going for that all important promotion or making that change in career that would see me obtain the fulfilment and personal satisfaction through knowing I’m giving my all to a career that breeds passion in my heart and not just doing another ‘job’ to pay the bills.

We all experience fear in this life, it’s one of the basic human instincts and its primitive function is to keep us alive.

Fear of danger forces us to either ‘fight or flight’.

But the fear of change is a learned fear, we are all creatures of habit and unfortunately that can mean that we are slow to embrace change even when we can see clearly the light at the end of the tunnel is worth that first step into that dark and scary unknown.

Learn to face your fears, recognise what is it that is making you feel afraid to take that first step and take the necessary action to change and learn to face that fear.

Take advice from others and be quick to see where you can learn from the experience of those who’s footsteps you now follow. Increased knowledge will enable you to reduce the unknown factor of the decision that you are currently contemplating.

All that’s left then is to take that first step…

It’s been my experience that the fear of doing something is usually a lot worse than actually doing whatever the task may be

Good Luck to you 🙂 x