Category: Poems


Medication Pic

Medication
Requires dedication
A prescription, A description
Of what's wrong with me
Not what I choose to be
 
So long ago, I did not know which way to go
Stand still, take a pill
Yet I was still ill, I didn't know why

Hidden in a room, while I sat outside
No explanation for why my mum cried
To be a child is not a sin
But they would not let me in
 
Infections, detections, injections
Tests and more tests
But mother knows best
 
Pills that made me sick
 
Physically
Mentally 
Emotionally
 
What's wrong with me?
No one will say...
 
It's an answer locked away
Behind a key within a door 
Always the same door

The same seat
The same chair
The same people always there
 
With me waiting 
Anticipating
 
Next time they'll let me in
Explain the shingles on my skin
I finally get to hear what's behind the door 
 
That thing that makes my mother cry
Now I know why....
 
Medication

What's wrong with me?

Now I know...
 
Pills I was subscribed
When the truth I was denied
 
A diagnosis that was not my choice
That was the day I lost my voice....

Breaking the Pattern

breaking the pattern photo

Breaking the Pattern

It’s funny when I first met you I couldn’t stand you,

In fact come to think,
You made me sick…

Yet good all at the same time,

 

I think I was nine or maybe I was ten;
It’s been so long now I’m not sure when

 

Initially we would have to sneak around,

Down the back of an ally, bushes or trees,

Out of the house quietly,

Making sure my folks didn’t see,

 

Other people just wouldn’t understand
Why I had to be near you and hold you in my hand,

The tut’s the looks, the glaring stares,

But we didn’t care it was just me and you there,

 

We meet twice a week, then soon everyday ,

What can I say,

I needed you,

Which to others seemed absurd,

I heard all the lectures but ignored every word,

 

We used to be able to sit at tables and bars,

Dance the night away and then under the stars,

When I was with you I was confident and funny

Although at times we couldn’t meet due to lack of money

 

But I never stopped thinking of you,

No matter how hard I tried,

It was like a part of you was always with me on the inside

 

Wanting
Raging
Strangely craving

 

Till he moment we’d meet again and I’d never want it to end,

 

But I’m sad to say I’ve met another…

She’s about to be a mother

And it’s one or the other…

 

I’ve been with you as long as I can remember,

 

But that child in her belly is to be a new part of Me

A member of My Family,

And it’s a life I want to see,

 

Which saddens me to say… That just leaves no room for you and me

Although I may miss you, relapse when drunk and try to kiss you

 

It can never be what we had

I don’t want to see my child lose his father,

The same way I lost my Dad….

 

We are young

We are young,

We are young,

 

We may be smaller, but we’re not weak,

Do you hear our adolescent voices?

And comprehend the words we speak?

 

If wisdom truly comes from age,

Were you not once at this first page?

Did the world not give you room to shine?

Yet you deny the voice that’s mine

 

But why?….

Because…

We are young,

 

My journey may have only just begun,

But were you not once

 

A child?

A teen and all between?

A Daughter?

A Son?

 

Yet you choose to judge us,

Why?

Because…

We are young

 

See the world through our eyes,

As you once did

 

Hope,

Passion,

Sometimes anger and pain,

Try to recall when you felt the same,

 

The world may be a scary place,

To you…

 

But that not what I see,

You may think that it’s my naivety,

 

But that’s ok,

 

Like you have done before me,

I’ll find my own way,

 

I’ll laugh,

I’ll smile,

And sometimes cry,

 

I’ll scream and shout, until I’m heard,

I may not take you at your word,

 

I’m still finding who I am and what I will be,

And at times I do not know…

 

But that’s ok

 

We are young,

But do not judge us by our age,

Take the time to fully read and understand each page,

 

Only then will you finally see,

That we are our own people, both collective and individually

 

As were you…

 

When “You” were young

 

Try and remember that. 🙂 Xx

 

I’m Sorry

im-sorry

I’m Sorry,

 

I’m Sorry I don’t live up to your standards,

But it’s not my fault that you can’t see,

That there is only one true version of me,

 

I’m Sorry is a word I used to say to you,

Before I had the chance to really think it through

 

So many days I used to agonise,

Why do I have this need to look perfect in your eyes?

Why did it take me so long to realise?

 

This shit ain’t worth it,

My life aint perfect,

But the way I feel today,

I know that I’m worth it,

 

I was once Sorry for me,

Now I’m Sorry for you,

I’m Sorry you cut us short and didn’t want to see this through,

 

I’m Sorry for all the moments that we will miss,

To Touch,

To Hold,

To share a Kiss,

 

I’m Sorry that you could not wait to see,

That there is so much more to me,

 

I used to say Sorry and thought that I meant it,

But not anymore….

 

I’m not Sorry for who I am,

 

Whether you’re in my life or not….

 

Why?

Why?

I can see it your eye,

You asking me “Why?”

 

Why did I do it again?

 

I tell we’re supposed to be friends,

But nothings chnaged now we’re back here again and your asking me

 

“Why?”

 

The look in your eyes is torturing,

I can feel your pain, which fills me with shame,

Cause I don’t have an answer to your question..

 

“Why?”

 

I told you uI loved you, and in that moment I meant it,

These are not just words

Not some new verse,

That day as I held you in my arms,

You were my universe,

The one I could see my self ending up with,

 

Quiting my old ways, coming out of the wild,

I can see me as the father and you as the mother of my child

Everything was perfect,

That day you were worth it,

 

But now you asking me why…

 

And I dont have an answer…

 

No sweet a word I could conjour out from my lips,

I wanna storke your hair and steal a kiss,

But this is not what your looking for from me right now..

 

The actions are easy, but words are hard,

I’ve thrown a life a way, something we planned,

You were my girl and I was your man

 

But not anymore things have changed,

How could I ever cause you so much pain,

 

You ask me again

 

“Why?”

And truthfully….

 

“I don’t know Why”

 

I’m Sorry

 

I’m Sorry

I’m Sorry if I don’t live up to your Standards,

But it’s not my fault you can’t See,

That there is only one true version of Me,

 

I’m Sorry is a word I used to say to you,

Before I’d had a chance to really think it throuhg,

 

So many days I used to agonize,

Why do I have this need to look Perfect in your eyes?

Why did it take me so long to realise? 

 

This Shit ain’t worth it,

My life ain’t Perfect,

But the way I feel today,

I know that I’m Worth It

 

I was once Sorry for Me,

Now I’m Sorry for You,

I’m Sorry you cut us short and didn’t want to see this through,

 

I’m Sorry for all the moments that we will miss,

To Touch, To Hold, To Share a Kiss,

 

I’m Sorry that you could not wait to See,

That there is so much more to Me,

 

I used to say Sorry and thought that I meant it

But not anymore…

 

I’m not Sorry for who I am,

Whether your in my life or not…

Seeds of Purity

20120425-071316.jpg

When the world was young and still a Child
I planted a seed out in the Wild,
Although it was a harsh and violent place,
That seed was to flourish and show it’s Grace,

For born are we in Purity,
Formed in a perfect bond of man’s Unity,
The dirt from which our routes do spring,
Do not determine the who we are Within,

Search not outward but inwardly,
For the essence of Love,
For the Warmth of embrace,
For the Faith at the Heart of every Man, Woman and Child,

See not only with thine Eyes
For no mind can ever fully See,

The True Beauty in each of us,

For we are each but one flower in the Garden of Man’s Hope,

Sprouted from the Seeds of Purity

Xx

The Hand

 

The hand is what I offer thee, as a sign of greeting initially, when words are spoke, common threads we share, unity forms when hearts do care,

So what once was hands has become now arms, stretched out and welcoming to form a hug.

With arms embrace to comfort thee, and bring hope that whatever life shall throw at me, for in my huggers arms my fears melt away, and see me through safely till another day 🙂 x

When I learn to feel, my heart will heal,
But how can I truly let go?..,.
and what is stopping me?

If my body be but a shell,
the physical manifestation of my true spirit within.
How then have I strayed so far,
From purity in the essence of my heart…

I’ve lived a lie and have worn a mask,
to protect me from the world,
A world i so desperately wanted to reach out and touch…

But to touch is to let you in…
But how would I start?
And where would I truly begin?

How do I let you see the side that I’ve so desperately fought to hide?
Can I truly pocket my Pride and become the man I’ve so long denied

Or will I forever live a lie?…

The darkness of my mind slowly creeps in,
It’s scares me now more than ever,
Reaching far deeper than I’ve ever been…

And then I see your face… Happiness fills me

But not for long…then comes Fear
Never ending Fear… But why?

I do not know but why…
I so desperately want to let you in…
But how would I start?
And where would I begin?…

Would I start with all thats good in me, my warmth and love and charity?

Yes this is it, this is what I want you to see,
This is the man I’ve so longed to be,

Feel the warmth of my spirit,
The violent yet gentle flame burning within,
Let me wrap my arms around you,
Warming you in my loving eternal embrace,

Reaching out to you and caressing your face

Let me call to you, call you by your Name

Speak words so Sweet, so Pure and Divine,

If all I have to offer you be but a few simple words,
Let the words I speak here today, take root in your Heart,
Let them be the seeds of Life to an everlasting tree of Devine Hope

These are the words I’ve never shared,
The words I’ve so long to but never dared…
To speak to you not with my mouth and lips,
But with my Heart and Eternal Soul

Let me call to you to hear my cry,
Hear the silenced voice of the little boy deep inside,
The man I’ve become bares the scars of false pride,
Standing before you this day is not a Man…But a Child

Clumsy and off balanced as I learn to stand and take that vital first step into the unknown

I feel as if I’m falling… But within you I feel the wings to Fly,
I won’t crash and burn, I’ll launch into flight, Soaring higher than I’ve ever been

Fear grips me by the throat strangling me from the inside,

But something’s different now…

“Take a breathe”…

“It’s ok”…

“Take a breath”

I hear a voice from within

“It’ll be ok, trust in me”

It’s no longer a battle, I no longer have to Win,
Let me head the echoing words of the True voice within

Today in You I see not the end,
I’ve feel the Essence of your Love in you my Friend

But to tell you half a tale would be still a Lie,
I’m still holding you at arms length away… And I don’t know why?..

How do I let you completely in?…
I’ve begun to let you in….
But now I’m scared to truly begin….

How do I take off the mask I’ve worn for so long?
Peel back the layers that I once thought kept me safe,

What will you think of me, when you get to truly see…
That I am not as Perfect as I make out to be…
There’s a whole other side to me…
And there is much of which I am ashamed…

I open my mouth…Nothing
I try again…. Nothing
I’m crippled with fear and I know not why

But then I feel your Touch… Oh how I want you so much

As I stand there looking into your eyes, I finally start to realise,
That you can already see,
Into the deepest depths of me,
To what the eye is blind to, but the Loving Heart can see

And your not Afraid.

You simply take my hand and Smile…

I pause for a while…

What is this I Feel inside? what used to be Fear has now begun to subside,

No longer am I deafened by fears crippling call, fueled by my arrogance and false pride

I no longer wish to Hide!!

I’m Finally ready, it feels natural with you to just be ME

All that I’ve ever wanted to Be

All I am I share with you Now,

Physically, Emotionally, Spiritually

I offer you my hand as we walk into the sun light of the Spirit
Bringing light to festered shadows of my mind
Let the boy within me hear the Beauty of your Lovers call..

At this perfect moment of internal bliss both He and I become One,

I, He, We and then just Me,

Now finally….You and Me

When I learned to Feel,
My wounds were Healed,

I am no longer afraid to let You In
I’ve finally let go and shared with you the essence of my True being,

My Soul within,

I was once Afraid and Blind to See, that the only thing that was stopping Me was….

ME

XxX